How Do Children Really Learn?
A Reflection from My Parenting Journey
One of the questions I often find myself asking is: How do children really learn? Is it through what we teach them? Or is it something deeper something they absorb from the world around them?
Over time, I’ve come to realize that children don’t just learn by instruction. They learn by listening, by watching, and even by feeling. And this process doesn’t begin when they are toddlers running around the house. It begins much earlier inside the mother’s womb.
Learning Begins Before Birth
Modern research confirms what Islam already guided us to centuries ago: babies in the womb can sense and respond to their mother’s emotions. A mother’s happiness, sadness, laughter, or tears... all of it is transmitted to the unborn child. They learn to connect with feelings even before they are born.
It is also known that babies start recognizing voices from the womb. The familiar sound of a mother or father becomes comforting. And that’s why Islam encourages Qur’an recitation and dhikr during pregnancy.
Allah ﷻ tells us in the Qur’an:
“And Allah brought you out from the wombs of your mothers while you knew nothing, and He gave you hearing, sight and hearts that you might give thanks.” (Surah An-Nahl 16:78)
Notice how hearing is mentioned first. SubhanAllah, it is one of the earliest senses to develop and the gateway to a child’s learning.
The Power of Environment
If we want our children to grow with good character, we must realize something important: their environment is their biggest teacher.
A home filled with kindness, patience, Qur’an, and gratitude will naturally nurture the same qualities in a child. On the other hand, an environment filled with anger, impatience, and harsh words will also leave its mark.
The Prophet ﷺ said:
“Every child is born upon fitrah (natural state of purity), then his parents make him a Jew, or a Christian, or a Magian.” (Sahih al-Bukhari, Sahih Muslim)
This hadith is a reminder of how much influence parents hold. We are shaping the lens through which our children will see the world.
Lessons from My Own Son
Every single day, I realize how much children love to imitate. My son, Ahnaf, surprises me constantly. He notices the tiniest details, the way I react to something, the words I choose, even subtle expressions. Later, he repeats them in ways that leave me both amazed and sometimes… a little guilty.
It makes me reflect: if I want him to be patient, I need to show patience first. If I want him to be truthful, I need to be uncompromisingly honest. If I want him to love the Qur’an, he needs to see me loving it, reading it, and living by it.
Children don’t just learn from lectures or instructions. They absorb who we are.
Parenting as Self-Transformation
This is why, as parents, the biggest project is not “raising the child” but “raising ourselves.” I try to change myself every day. Fixing bad habits. Learning new things. Seeking knowledge. Because children are mirrors. And mothers, especially, leave the deepest imprint.
For at least the first few years, a mother is the entire world for her child. Her emotions, her words, her habits — they become the child’s reality. That’s both a heavy responsibility and a beautiful opportunity.
My Prayer as a Mother
Parenting can feel overwhelming. There are days I feel I am failing, days I question myself, days I wish I could do better. But in those moments, I remind myself to turn back to Allah.
I pray: “Ya Allah, make it easy for me. Grant me the strength to raise Ahnaf with love for You, with understanding of Your deen, with closeness to the Qur’an, and with the character of our beloved Prophet ﷺ. Make me an example worth following for him.”
Because in the end, children don’t just need “strong” parents. They need present parents. Consistent parents. Parents who are willing to grow alongside them.
And I think that’s the most honest way to define parenting: A journey of learning, where the child learns from us, and we are constantly learning from them.
Practical Parenting Takeaways
Here are a few small but powerful steps that can help us create the right environment for our children:
Be mindful of your words and tone. Children absorb not only what we say, but how we say it. A gentle tone teaches more than a hundred lectures.
Model the behavior you want to see. If you want honesty, patience, or kindness — live it first. Children imitate far more than they obey.
Fill the home with Qur’an and dhikr. Play recitations, read aloud, and let your child grow familiar with the sound of Allah’s words. This nurtures love for the Qur’an naturally.
Create consistent routines. Simple habits like praying together, saying salaam, or eating as a family leave lasting impressions on a child’s sense of security and faith.
Be present, not perfect. Children don’t need flawless parents. They need parents who try, who apologize when they slip, and who keep showing up with love.
How do you teach your child? Don't forget to share your parenting experience in the comment box below.